I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
