Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
