I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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