New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
