So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
