I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
