As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
