People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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