if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize