Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Small penises have feelings too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
