Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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