My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
