Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
