Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
