Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
