I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
