420 ftw
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
