haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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