Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
