Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
