McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
