Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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