we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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