Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
