there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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