i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
