dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
