My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
