having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
