That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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