just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
