I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
