just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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