he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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