I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
COCAINE IS GR8
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
