As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
