Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
