mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
