Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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