I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
