Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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