Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
