i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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