I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
