Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
