He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
