I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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