Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize