I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
