Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize