You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
