Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
