Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
