So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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