well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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