He kissed a someone with a penis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
