This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So vagazzling was a success
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
