I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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